Sick Cycle Carousel
by Micaiah
Summary: Spoilers if you haven't seen season 5. Set after 5.8. Dean!whumpage, angsty!Sam, and protective!Castiel for good measure. Meg and Lucifer also make an appearance. Rated T for language. VOTE SPN for People's Choice Award!


**Disclaimer: I own nothing (unfortunately). Sam and Dean belong to Kripke. The song belongs to Lifehouse.**

**A/N: So, I know this isn't my best work. It ended totally different than I had planned. But it was a good excuse for some whumped!Dean, angsty!Sam and brotherly schmoop. This is my set up for the epic episode 10 that I am anxiously waiting for.**

**I love reviews. Let me know what you think (even if you hate it).**

**Not a deathfic. I promise!! I would never do that.**

* * *

_When will this end  
It goes on and on  
Over and over and over again  
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop  
Till I step down from this for good_

Sick cycle carousel

"Dude, you okay?" Dean glanced over at his brother who had seemed terribly preoccupied since they had left Gabriel at the paper mill two days ago.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sam's voice didn't convey the conviction of his words.

"Sammy…"

"I said I'm fine, Dean!"

This time there was a tremor in his brother's voice and Sam refused to look him in the eye. Dean cursed under his breath, pulling the Impala to the side of the road. He shut off the ignition and turned toward Sam.

"Talk to me, Sammy."

Sam made a noise that sounded like a cross between a laugh and a sob. "When did you turn into me?"

"What?"

"I used to try to get you to talk to me and it was always 'I'm fine, Sammy' but I knew you weren't. I'd try to talk and you'd cut me off every time." Sam studied his fingers. "When did that change?"

"We know how well that all worked out, don't we?" Dean grasped his brother's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I'm not making the same mistakes this time, Sam. I almost lost you once because of it. I'm not doing it again."

Sam raised his head and Dean was finally rewarded with half a smile but the pain in Sam's dark eyes was unmistakable.

"Tell me, Sammy."

"It's just….I'm tired, Dean. I'm so tired of fighting and it seems no matter what we do it all comes back to the same thing."

"What's that?"

"Eventually we're going to have to say yes."

"Like hell we are!"

"Dean, everyone keeps telling us it's what we have to do. The Trickster….er…Gabriel said we were born to it. How can we escape that?"

"Just because somebody else is telling you what you have to do, you're going to accept it? Since when, Sam? Since when did you ever accept what anybody told you to do? You fought Dad every step of the way when we were growing up. You never wanted to be a hunter." Dean regretted the comparison as soon as the words left his mouth.

Sam smiled sadly. "But I am, Dean. Don't you get it? That's what I'm saying. No matter how much I don't _want_ to be Lucifer'svessel, it seems inevitable. Maybe it really is our….."

"Destiny?" Dean spat out the word. "Don't you dare say destiny. I don't believe for one second the only reason we were born into this world is so we can end it. We've done good things, Sam. We've saved people's lives. Why do you have so much trouble believing we can save ours?"

"Because it's too hard." Sam's eyes were swimming with tears. "I have…..I have Satan roaming around in my dreams, telling me I'm going to say yes. It's just too much, Dean. It's too much."

"Sammy, you're scaring me."

_Whatever you do, you will always end up here._

"I'm sorry, Dean. It's just….I told you. I'm tired. That's all." Sam swiped at his eyes and managed a grin. "I'm just tired."

Dean tightened the grip he still had on Sam's shoulder. "Sam, you have to promise me that no matter what happens you won't say yes, okay? Promise me that."

_Whatever choices you make, _

"Dean, I don't…."

_whatever details you alter,_

"Sammy, please. I'm begging you. Promise me."

_we will always end up here._

"Okay, Dean. I promise. I won't say yes." Sam's eyes were full of concern for his brother now. "Are you okay?"

Dean sighed, dragging his hand across his face. "Yeah, guess I'm tired too. Maybe we should just find a place for the night."

"Okay, sure."

Dean fired up the car and headed toward the nearest town while Sam nodded off beside him.

_I win, so I win._

"You're not getting my brother you son of a bitch," whispered Dean.

* * *

At the motel, Sam checked them in while Dean made a quick call to Cas. For some reason he felt uncomfortable leaving Dean alone and he hurried back to his brother as quickly as he could.

"Did you call Cas?" Sam couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.

"Yeah, I told him where we are. He's going to meet us here tomorrow after we've had some sleep." Dean gave a soft chuckle. "He can't seem to understand the need we humans have for rest."

"Um…." Sam was barely listening to his brother's words. His hunter instincts were on full alert.

"Dude, what's going on with you?" Dean glanced around the parking lot. "Did you see something?"

Sam shook his head. "Just this feeling."

Dean loaded a few weapons into the duffel and shut the trunk of the Impala. "Let's get inside and lay some salt lines."

"Good idea."

As Dean was unlocking the door, Sam's phone began to ring. Sam fumbled in his pocket for the phone, catching the call just before the voice mail would have picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hiya, Sammy."

Dean's eyes went wide just as Sam realized the caller was standing right behind them. Sam dropped his phone, reaching for the demon killing knife instead but his hand never reached its mark. Both boys were hurled through the motel room door by an invisible force. Sam's head smashed against the corner of a table and he only had time to call Dean's name before his world went black.

* * *

The first thing Sam was aware of was an aching pain in his head. The second was his arm was broken. Excruciating pain radiated down his entire left arm, made worse by the fact that he was chained to a wall. He forced his eyes open and was greeted by the sight of Dean tied up on the floor only feet from him, with Meg sitting astride his hips.

"It's about time you woke up, Sammy." Meg smiled menacingly. "I thought we were going to have to start this without your full participation."

"Get off me, you bitch," snarled Dean. He craned his neck around to look at Sam. "Sammy, did they hurt you?"

"I think my arm's broken." Sam jerked at the chains, crying out as white hot pain shot up his arm.

"Sorry about that. But it will seem like nothing soon." Meg ran the knife down the length of Dean's torso and Sam saw his brother shiver. Dean was afraid and that scared Sam more than anything. "I'm going to give you boys a minute. I'm feeling generous today. I mean, after all, you boys are kinda like my heroes…..in a weird sort of way. Because of you, I'm closer to my father than I've ever been. Surely you can appreciate that sentiment, Dean."

Meg slid off of Dean and disappeared from sight. Dean turned his attention back to his little brother. "You okay?"

Sam shook his head. "He's here, Dean. I can feel him. They're going to make me say yes."

"Sammy, listen to me. They can't make you say yes." Dean strained to pull free of his bonds. "Where the hell are we anyway?"

"Don't know. Doesn't matter." Sam's voice was hollow. "They've won, Dean."

"Listen to me, Sammy. You promised me you wouldn't say yes no matter what. Are you going to break that promise?"

"They're going to kill you, Dean." He hated the whiny sound of his own voice. "If I don't say yes, they're going to kill you."

"Sammy, I'd rather die than see you be Lucifer's meat suit." Dean's green eyes bore straight through him. "Are you listening to me? _I'd rather die_."

"I really hate to interrupt this little family chat," Meg appeared at Dean's side. "But we all have work to do. Well, all of us except you, Dean. You don't really have to do anything but lie there."

"How the hell did you find us?"

"Oh, it wasn't easy but we finally started watching your buddy Cas instead of wasting time trying to find you and sure enough, he led us to you two days ago." Meg leaned close to Dean. "We were just waiting for the right moment to grab you."

"I'm going to kill you." Dean spat through gritted teeth.

"I think that's supposed to be my line."

Meg pressed the tip of the knife into Dean's neck, bringing blood. Dean hissed but kept his eyes focused on Sam, pleading with him to be strong.

"You can make this easy, Sam. Just say yes and it will all be over or keep saying no and I'll see how much of Dean's blood I can spill before he actually dies."

Meg punctuated her remark by shoving the knife into Dean's side and he screamed in agony.

"Dean….." Sam began to cry.

"Don't do it, Sammy. They'll kill me anyway. Don't you….."

Dean's words were cut off by another scream as Meg thrust the knife through his upper leg.

_Oh, God, please……._

* * *

Sam's body trembled in rage and pain. Across the room, Dean's screams had long since ceased but his eyes never left Sam's and Sam could see the life draining from them. He'd seen that once before. He couldn't live through it again.

If Dean was going to die it would be better just to say yes. Then he'd be the same as dead. Lucifer would never leave once he was invited in and Sam couldn't live without his brother. He'd already tried and look how messed up everything had gotten.

"Oooh, things are getting interesting now," purred Meg from across the room.

Sam followed Meg's gaze and saw Lucifer striding across the room. He knelt in front of Sam, sadly shaking his head.

"Sam, it didn't have to come to this. Just say yes and we can let your brother go before it's too late for him."

His voice was soft and sorrowful and Sam found himself wanting to say yes, just so it would be over. No more suffering, no more fighting.

"Sammy…." Dean's weak whisper cut through his thoughts. "You promised."

Sam gained strength from Dean's voice. He drew himself up and stared Lucifer in the face. "The answer is no."

"Dean's blood is on your hands, Sam, not mine." He turned toward Meg. "Finish him."

Sam's scream echoed in the cavernous room as Meg plunged the knife into Dean's chest. Sam sunk to his knees, the chains digging into his wrists, his left arm on fire.

"Oh, God…._please_…_no_."

"God's not here, Sam." Lucifer cupped Sam's face in his hands. "Haven't you gotten that yet?"

"Just kill me," choked Sam. "Please….."

"Sam." Lucifer stroked his hair and Sam recoiled in disgust. "I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to let you think on this for a few days and I'll be back. You will say yes."

"I will_ NEVER_ say yes, you bastard."

"Yes, you will." Lucifer broke his hold on Sam and when Sam looked up, he was gone.

* * *

"Gosh, Sammy. How will we pass the time until my father comes back?" Meg was towering over him. She grabbed a handful of his hair, jerking his head back.

"You can't hurt me," gasped Sam. She was already hurting him but he wasn't going to let her know that.

"Wrong!" Meg smiled. "I just can't kill you. Well, actually, that's not true either. I could kill you because Lucifer can bring you back."

Sam struggled against the chains to no avail.

"You're not going anywhere, Sammy. I'm going to….."

Meg's words were cut short by the sound of a gunshot. Her face registered shock and Sam saw the bullet hole above her left eye. She fell to the floor at Sam's feet, dead. Sam shrunk away from her body, waiting for whoever had shot her to finish him off.

"Sam?"

Castiel was freeing Sam from his bonds. Sam could see the Colt tucked into Cas's waistband. When the last chain around his raw and bleeding wrists was loosened Sam collapsed against the angel.

"Dean, oh God, Dean."

Sam clutched at Castiel for a moment longer and then crawled across the floor to the broken body of his brother. He tore away the bonds that had rendered Dean powerless and cradled his brother against him, oblivious to the pain in his own shattered arm.

"S'mmy?"

"Dean? Oh my God, I thought she killed you." Sam carefully wiped the blood from Dean's face with his shirt sleeve.

"She did." Dean fisted his hand weakly into Sam's shirt. "I'm done for, Sammy."

Castiel knelt on the other side of Dean.

"Hey, Cas. Lousy timing."

"I am sorry, Dean. It wasn't easy finding you."

"Cas, you have to do something." Sam grasped the angel's collar in one hand. "You can't let him die. Please…."

"Sammy, he can't…."

"NO!" Sam shook his head vehemently. "I can't do this again, Dean. I won't! Cas you have to do something!"

"Cas." Dean reached for the angel's hand. "You have to take care of Sammy. Promise me."

"No! He's not promising you anything!" Sam pushed Dean's hand away from Castiel. "You're taking care of me. That's your job. It's your job, Dean. It's….it's….your job."

"Sammy, I'm so sorry." Tears spilled from Dean's eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Sam held his brother close to him, pressing his face against Dean's neck. He could feel the feeble beating of his brother's pulse. It was growing weaker by the second. A dark pit inside of him was yawning open, darker than anything he'd known since Dean had gone to Hell. There was no escaping, no relief, no death for him. Only the never ending darkness.

Sam screamed until his throat hurt. He screamed until he felt hands on him, trying to pry him from his brother's body but he only clung tighter.

"Sammy!" A familiar voice. "What the hell is wrong with him?"

More hands on him now. Sam struggled to hold on…………

"Sammy, look at me! Cas, get his hands."

"Dean?"

* * *

It took the combined efforts of Dean and Castiel to get Sam into the motel room. After depositing his brother onto the nearest bed, Dean sat beside him while Castiel took up station by the door. Sam's eyes were full of confusion and pain, brimming with barely restrained tears.

"What the hell kind of dream did you just have, Sammy?"

Sam whimpered. Dean reached over and grasped his brother's trembling hands in his own. Sam clutched at them desperately.

"He wanted me to say yes and God help me, I wanted to, Dean. I just wanted it to be over." The tears began to spill from his eyes. "I watched you die. You died in my arms, Dean."

"Sammy…." He didn't know what to say.

"When is it going to end, Dean? I just want it to end."

Dean pulled Sam into his arms as convulsive sobs racked his little brother's body. He looked over at Cas. "Did you bring it?"

Castiel moved closer to the bed, pulling something from his pocket as he did. He placed the object on the bedside table. Dean held Sam tighter and nodded with satisfaction.

"We're going to stop this once and for all, Sammy. I promise." He pressed his face against Sam's tousled hair. "We're going to kill the devil. Then it will end."

The Colt gleamed at him wickedly.

* * *

**Final A/N: So, I hadn't planned on it being a dream but after all the whumpage it somehow made sense that Lucifer would still be visting Sam in his dreams, trying to get him to crack under the pressure. So with a little POV changing, I made it Sam's dream. I don't see how Sam hasn't had a breakdown already and honestly, I think it's coming. Dean had his last season. How in the world can Sam not have one after everything he's been through?? Thanks for reading!**


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